"That was a text on your phone Darren, from someone called Jody.
It says 'where RU?' with lots of exclamation marks.
Looks like Jody's not happy with you!"
"Nice phone by the way, I might hang on to that,
but I expect you stole it anyway."
"ffrrroff !!! faaastudd"
Now, listen Darren, I know you're probably not the sharpest blade in the box.
That's not your fault, but really, you should have worked it out.
If you keep breaking into people's houses, wrecking them and stealing stuff,
then, sooner or later, in all probability,
you'll run into someone bigger, stronger and nastier than you are......
...and in this case much, much nastier, Darren, I'm afraid.
"ffrrrkoff! ffrrrkoff! "
"Yes, you're quite right. (sigh).
Now, don't go away Darren, I'm just popping into the kitchen,
I've got something just the job for you.....
"You're a good looking brute, Darren, I like your body shaved like that,
but you've got too much aggression, way too much testosterone."
(sounds of drawers opening and rattling)
"Now where did I put it?... (rattle, rattle)
......I think we need something special for this occasion......(rattle, rattle)
.......Ah, Here it is!"
"Look, Darren, it's a bit Freddie Kruger I'm afraid,
But it's big, bright and shiny - and freshly sharpened.
What do you think?"
"nnnuuurrghh!!!!" (chair scraping noises) "nnnuuurrghh!!!!"