Many of our local villains have tied try to rob me,
having heard I keep money in the house.
having heard I keep money in the house.
Most of them are the weedy, needy, sneaky sort - not very attractive.
So when I catch them I usually just give em a good dressing down
and send 'em packing.
Eddie was different, more rich boy layabout than villain..
His parents only gave him a small allowance, to encourage him to get a job
He spent it going to the gym, he was there every day,
I admit he looks good, but he's not very tough, or very bright
So when he came by it was easy to catch him, just by locking the door
He wore a silly mask. I let him keep it on, but I knew it was Eddie
He was terrified that I would tell his parents or the police
So I was able to extract a bit of community service on the spot.
I gave him the chance to strip and show off his body to me
I even gave him a bottle of baby oil to use, I knew he'd like that.
He put on a very nice show for me
He'd been rummaging in my drawers before I caught him.
He'd found an old dildo and was going to steal it for his girlfriend.
He'd found an old dildo and was going to steal it for his girlfriend.
I hadn't seen it for years, so I didn't really mind.
I told him he ought try it out first, to see if it still worked.
Like I told you he's not very bright.
I had to explain how to do it and he agreed eventually
I had to explain how to do it and he agreed eventually
- after I threatened to remove the mask.
Even with the baby oil it was a struggle for him, a total ass virgin.
Fortunately I had some old amyl nitrate poppers too.
They'd gone off a bit but Eddie couldn't tell.
They'd gone off a bit but Eddie couldn't tell.
They made him droop of course, so then I dug out some Viagra
Together they did the trick.
After that there was no holding him back,
I shot my load and went to bed. Left him still at it.
Locked in of course
I shot my load and went to bed. Left him still at it.
Locked in of course
I just looked in on him this morning, he's still going strong,
Up all night probably. It's good stuff that Viagra.
I expect he'll still be up for it if I pop in after I've had breakfast.
I'll probably give him his clothes back when he goes down.
Maybe I'll let him keep the dildo too.
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