I'd never fancied holidaying on a cruise ship but changed my mind after a friend persuaded me to join him on the good ship 'Muscle Magnificence'. When I caught sight of the Captain supervising our boarding from his bridge it convinced me I'd made the right choice. He wore a tuxedo-style uniform that barely covered his barrel of a chest and my friend assured me that the bulge in his pants was not just for show - as I might discover for myself if I got an invitation to dine at his table.
Rumours on board suggested that the Captain had his hands more than full managing the crew.
He spent a good deal of time with the Navigation Officer, exploring his globes and charts.
It was said that they were a perfect fit for each other.
The Chief Engineer was a more aloof sort of fellow and was often to be seen gazing into the sunset with his hands in his pockets seemingly unaware of the travellers jostling for position behind him dying to find out if he ever got them dirty.
Most of us would have to settle for a brief exchange with the Entertainments Officer.
His uniform was designed to attract our interest and he was proud to show it off.
After all, it was his job to make the voyage fun for us!
He was always willing to stop and engage and surprisingly open to tactile enquiries.
By the end of the voyage his briefs were worn thin from a thousand hand-shakes.
The biggest event of the voyage was the ceremony of 'crossing the line'
It was not just another party, all the first timers in the crew had to undergo an initiation ceremony.
Even the captain had to submit and it was the only time I saw him in lingerie.
Hi appearance in the ball room took everyone's breath away.
The more lowly crew members were kept busy doing their jobs.
Which made them all the more desirable, of course.
(You know - bar tender syndrome!)
So while the lookout was keeping tabs on passing icebergs and growlers
he was also busy fending off gropers (seven eighths of them below the waterline).
Most believed that his ass was hot enough to melt any berg that got too close.
We had our own cabin boy of course, prepared to satisfy our every whim
and Javier's outfits ensured they was no shortage of whims to satisfy!
His dusting and polishing led to plenty of accidental spills
but he cheerfully mopped up everything we tossed at him.
We also found he would respond eagerly to a generous tip.
His early morning calls and bed turn downs were brief but draining
You had to book well ahead for his famous, bunk warming service
or else make do with a chocolate truffle on your pillow!
On the last night of the cruise the senior members of the crew readied themselves for dinner.
It was their job to each host a table and make sure their guests went to bed happy.
Their dinner suits were designed to please and sell tickets in the table raffle.
The lucky winner of the draw would earn a memorable, personal send-off from him.
The ritual of the host going round the table serving wine
gave everyone a double-chance to get up close to him.
You could examine his bottle from your seat before tasting his juice
or lean in to savour his crack bouquet as he bent to serve your neighbour
You might even provoke a twinkle from his eye!
But all good things come to an end
Eventually the shore man came and ferried us back to dry land
All that muscle-hugging lycra suddenly disappeared like a moist dream.
But then I saw the look in the boatman's eye, the bulge in his shorts
and the pop-studs that were all that secured them at the side,
and I thought 'Why not?'
~
Images by Adonis IO
Words by Mitchell of mitchmen
More AdonisIO at Deviant Art,
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